playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im holly from the hills drunk
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
