i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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