my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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