If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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