Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
