If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
