The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
