I CAN MOONWALK!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
