I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
