Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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