Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
