I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
