It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
