yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
