We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
