Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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