I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
