I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
