We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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