I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
