As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
