I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
