Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
