I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
