My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
