who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
