Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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