I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk is not a location!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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