24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were trust falling into bushes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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