her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
