Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
