I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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