still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
