I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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