Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
