He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
