she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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