Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
