i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
