I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
