Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
