I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
