We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
