Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
