i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.