At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.