i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.