I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher