my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
