sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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