I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
