i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
