i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
