honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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