just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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