We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize