I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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