Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
