I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
