I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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