But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
