im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
