Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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