You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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