i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
