When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
