Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
