dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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