your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
