btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
