so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
