I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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